What exercise should (and shouldn’t) feel like

I've had a complicated relationship with exercise. Initially, it was pure love. I loved moving my body in different ways and learning new things.

I had the privilege of trying many different sports and activities while growing up. By the time I was in high school, I had tried a variety of sports, including dancing, skiing, swimming, cycling, hiking, skating, soccer, basketball, rollerblading, wrestling, long-distance running, track, gymnastics, and weightlifting. I loved all of them to varying degrees.

In high school, something shifted. Exercise became something I should be doing. I built my identity around being really fit and I struggled with doing anything that I thought wouldn't fit with that identity.

For instance, I used to think that if I wasn't drenched in sweat by the end of a workout, then it didn't count as exercise. Most days, I would exercise two or three times – running or some other form of cardio in the morning, weightlifting at lunch, and wrestling or dance in the evening. And I became completely devastated if I was forced to miss a workout.

I now recognize that this behaviour was bordering on pathological. Of course, teens can and should be very active. But somehow I started equating exercise with a sense of self-worth.  

It's taken me two decades to cultivate a healthier relationship with exercise. I'm finally at the point where I'm a little disappointed if I miss a workout. But not completely devastated.

When I was pregnant, I would become super sick after a workout. I eventually stopped formal exercise for the rest of my pregnancy. And what happened when I didn't exercise for four months? I grew a human without feeling so sick, and overall, had a healthy pregnancy. It took me a while to get back into fitness, but the world didn't end because I stopped working out.

Over the years, I've learned how exercise should and shouldn't feel for me. The list below isn't by any means prescriptive – it's just an example of how I've worked on framing exercise so that I can maintain a healthy relationship with it.

It should feel:

Like me time

Now that I have a toddler, workouts feel like pure me time. I got back to the gym and even started running so that I could focus on doing something good for me – uninterrupted. 

Satisfying

There's something so satisfying about consistently working out and seeing your progress. Satisfaction is that incredible feeling you get when you achieve something you've been working towards. According to professor Arthur C. Brooks, satisfaction is one of the key components of lifelong happiness. Achieving your (realistic) workout goals is a great, renewable source of satisfaction.           

Like a bit of a challenge

My sweet spot for a workout or run is to feel like it was a bit of a challenge. Under the right circumstances, I don't mind pushing myself with a high-intensity workout. But 99% of the time, my workouts veer from easy to moderate intensity. I want to do just enough to make progress, but not so much that it becomes less likely that I'll do it again.

Mostly enjoyable

I love when a workout feels fun. Although I thought running would be a total slog, I actually enjoy it, especially in good weather and with some music playing.

Much of the time, workouts feel somewhere between neutral and enjoyable. That's where the next point comes in.

Like an item to check off my list

I put this under the "should feel" category because sometimes I work out just to cross it off my list. There are days when I feel completely neutral about exercise; I'm not enjoying it or hating it. I'm just doing it because I know it's good for me. It leads to a sense of accomplishment, even though I didn't love it that day.

It shouldn't feel:

Like punishment

Exercising to punish yourself is a problem. When I was in university, I used to think I needed to exercise if I felt like I overate the day before. It's hard to admit now, but I know many people in their 20s struggle with this.

Exercise isn't a punishment. This mindset leads to guilt, shame, and a messed-up relationship with something that can be enjoyable and amazing for your health. If I could advise my younger self, I'd tell her to get counselling to talk about using exercise like this.

Painful

While you're working out, it's OK to feel some discomfort. I often experience various aches at the start of my workout, which typically dissipate by the time I've completed my warm-up. But exercise shouldn't be painful. Acute pain is your body's way of trying to tell you something. If it's a one-time pain with an exercise, I'd steer clear of that exercise for the rest of my workout and revisit it the following week. If it's happening more consistently, I'd see a physiotherapist.

Like it's going to mess up my whole day

Some soreness and fatigue are normal after an intense workout. However, unless you're a professional athlete, you need to be able to function in your daily life after a workout. If I'm really sore after a workout, it's a sign that I overexerted myself, and I'll adjust my intensity for the next workout. Even for muscle building, soreness isn't the goal. The goal is to lift more over time.

It's taken me twenty years to develop a much better relationship with exercise. I've learned a mostly psychological framework for thinking about exercise, and I hope it helps someone to enjoy it a little more!

Stay well friends,

Dr. Kuhnow

Dr. Kuhnow is a family medicine resident physician and former physiotherapist in Ontario, Canada. She writes about healthy habits for healthcare providers on her blog no trophies for perfect. To get healthy habits and practical tips directly to your inbox, sign up for her weekly newsletter.  

This post is meant for educational purposes only, and doesn’t replace advice from your qualified healthcare professional.